30 Hilarious Dad Jokes That You Have To Tell! Cop 1: This seems racially motivated. Cop 2: Hate crime? Cop 1: Of course I hate crime, moron. That’s why I’m a cop. My son asked me, “Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?” I smiled and answered… “‘Swarm.” My wife didn’t think I would name our baby daughter something ridiculous. But I called her Bluff. “How long do you think that fence is?” “I’m going to guess—-around a yard.” I ordered a chicken and egg from Amazon. I’ll let you know. Chinese takeout: $24.95. Fuel to pick it up: $1.00. Getting home and realizing they shorted you a box: Riceless. How does Tom Hanks express his gratitude? T.Hanks I had a dream where I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram I was like 0mg My therapist warned me that I am getting addicted to downhill skiing. She said, “It’s a slippery slope.” The shovel was a ground breaking invention. I finally watched Doctor Who. It was about time. Apparently you can’t use “beef stew” as a password It’s not stroganoff Why were the Indians in America first? Because they had reservations. If you want to be wise with your money, don’t buy any belts Because it will just go to waist. I was going to tell a time traveling joke. But nobody liked it. I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen! What do you call a pig with high aspirations in life? Hambitious My main problem is that I second guess myself way too much. [removed] How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it. Why did the dock throw itself into the sea? Pier pressure I was shocked when my doctor told me all my fingers were broken after my accident. It was hard to grasp. How many bones are in your hand? About a handful Want to hear a joke about paper? Never mind, it’s tearable. Why does the electron read the paper every morning? To keep up with current affairs. Dad I’m cold Go to the corner. It’s 90degrees Today, I saw a squirrel poop for the first time in my life. That shit was nuts! My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream. Now all I want to do is rub it in. Why does the Norway Navy have barcodes on the side of their ships? So when they come back they can Scandinavian. Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack.
And last, but not least;
Someone broke into my garage earlier today and stole my limbo stick. I mean, how low can you go? 😍 Share With Friends 😍 Pinterest Facebook WhatsApp Email Twitter Mix Tumblr Copy Link Share via 😍 Share With Friends 😍 Facebook Twitter Pinterest Tumblr Email WhatsApp Mix Copy Link
